What if we
by Lucy CSLV
Summary: Watson and Sherlock have a serious converstation about their relationship.


_Ps.: please, let be nice, people! I know my english is not too good but I'm working on that and it's kind of the point of writing something, so help me to improve. Name calling and stupid reviews are not necessary. Thanks :)_

"Sherlock, we really need to talk".

"Why, Watson? Why? I'm just…fooling around. With Fiona, I mean. You keep telling me I need to socialize with people that are not you, so, I'm sorry, but I'll continue with her".

That said, Watson locks herself in her room and stay there for hours. When she leave she even look at him and goes straight to street.

He can tell she was crying again.

Yes, it might look that Joan lost him for good now. She tried several ways to tell him about her feelings, but she can't come clean with Sherlock. She's embarrassed. She doesn't know what to talk. He will freak out and go away. And, by the way, how tell that he must be with her, because she loves him through all this years and all she always wants was kiss and hug him, even for once?

Joan is…peculiar, for Sherlock's point of view. They live together for four years now and she's always been alone, save the time with Andrew – but if was a short period of time. She goes out alone once a week, tops. The other days she spent in the precinct, working, or in the brownstone, chasing the case files and holding up with Sherlock's craziness. When she are not in the living room or library, she is in her room, writing, researching or reading the never ending pile of recommended books for a detective's proper instruction.

She also is very reserved. She keeps her feelings for herself and almost never lost control. Sherlock just saw her in the edge of loose control a few times, like when she was abducted or when he was shot. And even thought she barely let the feelings go out properly. He knew she kept the things for her and sometimes, when she is humming around, she want to talk to him about all stuff bothering her, but he never gives the necessary attentions and she turn her mind. This time, tough, things are different. She always had kind of sad eyes, but now she haves teary ones too.

Since Fiona gave back the book about cats that Sherlock bought for her to Watson return to the owner, Joan's been crying. Watson starts to lock her bedroom door (like it means something) and stay there for hours. He could hear her crying and doesn't wanna interrupt, don't know how to do that, so he just seats in the hallway and listen her cry. It's heartbreaking. When he hears steps he runs to the media room and stay still, very quiet.

One of these days he hears the roof door open. It was freezing out there and he's worried about her warmth. Courage, Sherlock, it's just Watson, your Watson out there – he tell himself. Determined to know what is happening he goes to the roof and find her seating in one of the two chairs, wearing a thin shirt. Without any word, Sherlock puts his coat over her shoulders. She looks cozy now.

"Joan, what's happening? How can I help? I understand that you don't let me in, but I am your friend. I know I myself don't share too much, but matters to me that you talk right now. I'm worried about you". Sherlock keeps his voice warm and low, so she can understand his intentions.

The silence took over for a few minutes. Suddenly she smiles and look to him and tell nothing.

"Watson, please". He continued, looking at her.

"Ok, Sherlock. Ok. First of all I need you don't freak out cause this is just my feelings and neither of it is necessarily important".

Silence.

"The fact is Sherlock, that I'm deeply, truly, sadly in love with you. I've been looking for escapes of all this but don't know what to do. You're my friend. Friend…for God's sake. You are Sherlock, the teacher, the partner, the detective…you're you and I'm me, just Joan, the sad one, who never shares her feelings with you, who keeps been calling "the girlfriend" by all the people who saw us together at least once, who is the precinct joke because it is very clear to everyone that I love you but, apparently, you can't realize that. The Joan who now needs to accept that you have someone, Fiona, and she can do to you all the things I can't do". Watson was, at this point, crying hard, face is her hands, shaking.

Much more silence.

This time Sherlock decides that physical contact was necessary. He drags his chair closer and, from anywhere, hugged her. She froze. This is really not expected. They just sit there, hugged, 'till he pull her to his lap and she hides her face in his shoulder. He snuggles Joan's back and hair till she calm down. Sherlock can be affectionate when he wants to be. They spent more than one hour in this position. Watson just breaths him in and he calm her down. Holding her, he stands up and takes her into the couch in library, cause is warmth and cozier. When they arrived there he forces her to look to him, kissing her forehead. "Now we can talk properly, my dear. Please put all you shame and pre-established concepts about me behind and talk to me. Both of us need this conversation since a long time ago", he said, still holding her in his lap.

"Sherlock, I'm so sorry I put you in this situation", she said, apprehensively. "I will never do something like that to you. It's just…I went on the roof to think about this situation and attempt to put it behind, accept that we are what we are and it won't change. I know you have someone now, and I lost my chance with you" She continues speaking. "Gregson is helping me to move to other city and work with the police there. I swear I would tell you in the right moment", she's blather random things now. He could feel her heart almost racing from her chest.

"What? Another city? Are you nuts"? He freaks out. "No. No. You're not moving. No. I can't accept that. No, Watson, No. Don't you dare tell me all this stuff and run away from me", he lecture, anger. "You need to listen to me now", he shouts.

"I know you like me. I know and I always knew. I will be lying if I say I never thought about us before. You're my Watson, after all. When everybody leaves me you stayed. You saved me from the darkest period of all my life. You keep me sane and pull me of the ruin", he said, lowing his voice and caressing her dark hair. "Don't fool yourself thinking you're the only joke of the precinct. I am too and I know that. The cops always make fun of me cause they say I don't know how to aproach you and laught when I be so nervous and not human around you", Sherlock smiles. "You are my Joan, my dear Watson, my whole world. The one I love the most", he kissed her cheek. "What are you thinking? I wanna know from you".

Watson was shocked. When she thought Sherlock doesn't like her, turns out he loves her. It was a big surprise. "I love you. I wanna be with you. Do you think it's possible we put all bejind and be together? Cause if I'm forcing you, please, talks right now. And what about Fiona? The woman has issues", Joan asks.

"Stop thinking about Fiona, woman! She knows I not available for commitment", said Sherlock. Watson stares him, chapfallen. "WHATAHELL", she thought.

"Commitment with her. With you is another story", he said, laughing. "I was hoping for this for too long. I will kiss you now", said Sherlock.


End file.
